depression.. memakan diri

** update pantas yang mengarut

this is the second week of schooling. i dont feel any tension in this school, but somehow i feel that i am suffering a depression. everyday i must take paracetamol and everyday i felt sick. and sicker towards the end of the day. and then i caught asthma. somehow it choked me while i'm sleeping.

and it was yesterday, the last pair of paracetamol left for me. i remember i quickly run my fingers on the numbers and dialled my mom's. and she didnt pick up her phone. i was thinking to ask her of whether she spoke of me or so, and i was back at my bed, trying to sleep. i need to get some rest.

Before that moment of choking, about 1 hour before, my sister called when i was about to hit the bed from school. i remember talking to her saying, ''i was not myself, that i am so tired i really need a rest and i will call her later''.

and then the choking.

I went to bed that night around 1030 p.m after watching 'So you think you can dance" which I dont think so and the nighmare began.

this particular nightmare consists of vampires; things that i LOVE to see in movies ONLY, and the fact that they entered my dream scared me off!.. and when they are about to attack me and my family, the vampire called MALIKA (is it the name in Cucu Betong?) attacked them first, and we're saved.

It was a 300 movie setting where they only uses arrows to attack and conquer. I vividly remember when my family members were surrendering when they blurted off their arrows. they hit us and some of us are dead. I even said to my parents that I love them the most and we shall meet in heaven. and there i was, holding my youngest brother, who is a little younger than he is now. He is a mere corpe, his neck and air flows had been attacked severely. I held his body. and then, when we were asked to read the verses of bible and what not, my brother read out loud the Quranic verses. they were mad at him but I quickly asked my brother to read in his heart. then, they were being good with us, some of them said to me to bring my baby brother who is still alive, well, merely, to the hospital which is quite far. They asked me to say that he sprained his neck whatsoever.

and then I saw, my uncle who actually planned all this. He had said that it is dangerous for us, the family members to come here (somewhere on the way to some place)... but we insisted on going before the tragedy of attack happens. He betrayed all of us. He couldn't even do anything. He only said he warned us.

and then i woke up, it was 430 in the morning. and i tried to sleep again, to find the peace to the nightmare..i felt the sad air of leaving. and i still remember, 1 of my family members asked when I say, "it's okay, we shall met in heaven. have faith in God", he said " but you're not married yet?!" .. isk, that is not even a question at the moment of that kinda death... it's a war!
my answer? i said, it's okay. i'll get married in Heaven. insyaAllah. :D

well, it's my nightmare.
and i have to conclude, i'm suffering a depression and affected my eating habit. hurm, i know i'm stress over monetary problem, but at least 2 problems were solved. first is the Bank Islam Cheque Deposit thing and the other is about my PC motherboard. alhamdulillah.

now, i mean today, i must gather up power and spirit particles of my loss hope so that i can happily end this week. :D

Ya Allah.. permudahkanlah untuk ku, kedua ibubapaku, ahli keluargaku, guru-guruku, sahabat2ku, dan kaum muslimin dan muslimat yang bertaqwa kepadaMu. Lindungilah kami dari kejahatan diri kami sendiri dan musuh2 kami, mala petaka yang tidak diingini, azab kuburMu dan azab nerakaMu, ya Allah.
Selamatkanlah kami dari ganggungan Jin dan Syaitan dari luar dan dalam.. amin..