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Thursday, March 17, 2011

life is like a dream...

gorgeous Merahjamboo with son, wafiy and me :D

I often heard people said "Life is like a roller coaster" and I only believed it when I saw my friends' lives developed and maturing, since mine is still monotonous and revolved within me only.

some of my friends are having their first child, some are still expecting, some are hoping and some are getting married. some are still new in courtship with some had already engaged. and some, a minority group just like me, are engaging ourselves with work and other stuff, depicting a healthy (sometimes very down under) single life ones could have. haha

yep. being single is hard, but being married and hoping for a child from that marriage is harder. my innocent and out of sensibility advice is, enjoy your coupling time and lets just ignore about others who does not give a damn about our hardship of life. the most important thing is, we double our efforts and pray to Allah, pray hard..

hurm... and the hardest one is of course, having to cope with a divorce. i cant say much about this, but from some of my friends who had been through this, they said nothing is easy and simple, and to let go is the hardest one, be it from hatred or just cant stand living together. yes, i know i have never been through these expecting child and divorce, but i can tell that it was not anyone wishes to be so.

i have to keep telling my stupid and forgetful side that i have to be thankful that i dont need to experience these cruelty of lives, when my heart is full with green envy when i see others' affectionate relationship. life and people always have ups and downs. some will experience ups first, then downs and vice verse. some even shared love-hate relationship which has ups and downs at a time in every moments of their lives. ughhh.. tough life!

and by being monotonous in upgrading relationship status, life would seems rather dull, as if my roller coaster ride has not started yet and i am afraid that i might fall due to the rust of the old equipments with perhaps, very little maintenance .. (oh now, i remembered the book written by Mitch Albom; the five people you met in heaven)..

or may be, may be, I am riding each of my friends' roller coasters without realising that I had lost mine.. is it possible?

ahh.. enough with the metaphor and symbolism.

the key point is, i have to decide what to do with my life and keep this as organised as possible since i had nothing to do now. hahaha.. no no no.. life is short. make it beautiful and learn the wonderful lessons from it by living it for the right purpose :D

i pray for Your Blessings. InsyaAllah ^__^

p/s : I like my own comment in Facebook, when my friend was pretty sad about people gossiping around questioning about her not having a baby yet. &^$26%%&*^^&%$@#%$0p!!!! here it goes ;" kalo di ikutkan org mmg xpernah sudah. kalo aku ni, blom kawen, pot pet pot pet. bla da kawen, nak anak pulak.. bila sorg, xcukup pulak.. org hye akan berhenti berckp bila diorg da mati.. takde pekdah nye kte nk amik port sgt.. hehehe... senang cite. mcm la kite hidup ni menumpang rezeki dia.. semua ni sementara... sementara saja.."

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'am afraid of my dreams


2011 brings a kind of maturity to my perspectives. seems like turning 26 will bring so much of life-changing feelings, hopefully for the better. my dreams circle around worldly affairs, these actually making me sad and nervous for I believed I was a kind of religious, and I still am, I hope!

okay, lets get to business.

1. I want to design my own home

this dream is rather impossible, for now, since i am nowhere near to design any home, what more my own. although i am not good at designing, but i know i like bali style with modern touch and a little garden around the house especially at the front yard and the side yard of the kitchen... :D anyway, if i get this opportunity, i would be elated to share it with my family and friends.. insyaAllah

2. I want to have a child?

OMG. the feeling of having my own child arose just after i met Iqbal a.k.a Busu during the CNY holidays for 4 days. in fact, i had my sweetest picture carrying sleeping him while i'm asleep. cute!! ^__^. i dont know how to describe but the craving to have a child somewhat resorted in my very heart. i know i am still single and have not any good chance of meeting mr.right-for-me in the moment yet. i never feel like this and i'm crying over it. i sensed how much i want to climb on the relationship stages, but my destiny was not in the same boat, at least, yet. this makes me scared to death, since i am afraid to get a heartbreak if, ever, i lose hope. and i hope not. insyaAllah..

a baby ... :D

p/s: may be this happens because i am surrounded by pregnant ladies including my sis-in-law, Puan Miez Mimosa, Mrs.King a.k.a JoJo, Puan Merahjamboo and delivered-already-lady, Mrs. Reenem and baby naura!! ehehe

3. i want to meet my mr.right. ready!

honestly, i have never get myself in any serious relationship, personally because i dont want one. i believe there are stages for relationship, starting from acquaintance, friends, special friends, and spouse.. well, i have not find one yet.. i hope i will meet and get close with him this year, insyaAllah.. :D.. (although i am so damn afraid if i .... )

4. i want to further my studies..

really, i really want to do this but time and space did not really allow me to. i hope the Hadiah offered by the Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia in furthering studies will be available until 2013 because in the mean time, i will be able to complete my 3 years of working and scored at least 85% for Prestasi. So, i will be able to qualify myself to apply and work my self up to get that. insyaAllah... :D

and i hope i can share my dreams with my family especially my beloved parents, siblings, sisters-in-law and future spouse :D oh, i have a question to him; WHERE ARE YOU??