I miss Mr.Em..

when i reflect and re-read my previous entries, i felt a crazy feeling of living in Malacca.. the memories and everything about it was a total crave for me right now. As much as i hate to say this, after all the hardships i encountered and endured in Malacca, I MISS MALACCA. It makes me a woman. From a teenage girl who knew absolute nothing about life to a very justified and cool (perasaan je lebih) matured young lady.. :P

and there comes in Mr.Em - a friend indeed! he's there for my ups and downs. although sometimes he disappeared under the radar, he is still there for me. when my girl friends ditched me nowhere, he's there to back me up. when i was all alone, he's there to entertain me. when i needed some help, he's there to lend me his hand.

but now, after he broke ups with his girlfriend, he kind of deserted our friendship. he seems tired of me and my problems. (hey, I did share with him lots and lots of happy moments alright). I even went to his girlfriend's house and have dinner and what's not there. she is so carefree and flexible. It's just sad and pretty much hurting that their 3 or 4 or may be 5 years old relationship ended before any tie.

hurm, talking about my best guy friend, Mr. Em never exhausted of willingness to help. He now seems to change his course. He did not seem to even care about me no more. for years, we've been out and about every so often. Last year, my girls and I went for a movie. so i invited him to join us. he came and it was so cool of him since we're all 10 girls. haha. IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY. that's how I celebrated it. hehe

and when I was ill, he came to the MALACCA Hospital. and also I went to MITC and I had a gastric attack. He came out of nowhere when i called him, like a superman did, and send me to a clinic. and also when we, MRs.King and I needed a ride to and from KB-MLK, he's ready to lend a seat in his yellow car. huuu.. it's a long ride and usually we stop by at his gf's house in Cheras. and there's one time when only me asked for his ride, i slept all the way from KB to MLK. i still remembered when we reached Kuala Krai at 5pm and he had to stop there to repair his car's alignments. and about 8pm, we ate Laksam i brought from home en route to Gua Musang. i still remember, at 10 i started to sleep and arrived Putrajaya at 12 midnight. i still asleep when he stopped by at his sister's. He knocked on the mirror, i opened the door, and continued to sleep until we reached Malacca (Jasin to be specific), at about 2am. He sent me to Aireen's, where Aireen and Alyaa were there waiting for me. owhh... i miss them sooo much!!

and also my birthday last year, after Alyaa and hubby brought me tour around Malacca Night Town (Bandar Hilir including a Taming Sari ride and Boat Tour), Mr. Em came to my Jasin's house to bring Alyaa and me to eat Asam Pedas near Hang Li Po Well at Bukit China.

and the memories went on and on..

huuu... our friendship will not shatter. although it would be tough, i will hold on tight. thanks for the memories. Hope we all will be under His Barakah and Guidance..

The proposal and 17 again

Both these movies I watched with my girls, Jannah and Reena. It was like the moment I shall treasured most since my last movie watching last year. Memang tak sangka, even dah keje pun, kami masih lepak dan tinggal bersama. TESL rock!

Actually, I’ve watched The Proposal before, alone. And I did think that it was a pretty much Cinderella story which I quickly got up to reality, but for this time around, watching it again with my girls, it seems like a dream that I truly wish for it to come true. How stupid it may sound but the effect it got on me … huh! And Fuhh! Is speechless.

The hero, oh wow, thousands wishes wouldn’t be enough to wish for him. The character, the looks, the personality, the family and the love and passion.. they’re all perfecto! Too perfect I figured. But the quality for mr.right is so much about him. He is very committed to what he believes that makes him happy, he’s handsome and very good looking, he’s very humble and somewhat strong and dominant. His family is awesome! The family is wealthy but they do not act as one, and obviously supportive and understanding as well as welcoming. And about the love, I’m sorry, I cannot describe love because I never feel it. I do not know love.

For me, love is everything.. and about everything. I simply cannot put it into words. It pure and unique and it has ups and downs. Sometimes, we have to love again and again without fail with our spouse. We have to cherish each other everyday which we practically forget to do when we are already married. We forget to admire each other since we are comfortable of having him/her in our lives. We forgot to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ every now and then because we are shy. But not before marriage! Before marriage, you feel that you want to show the world that you and him/her are in love. You’re proud lover. And after marriage, it all seems to be diminishing. Hurm, well, I may not know much, but this is what I saw…

adik ku kawen ngan kawan aku?? aku pulak??

haa.. ini gambar tunggang terbalik. tapi terrrbaik punya. adik aku matekumerah dan stu_comot telah selamat diijabkabulkan on 13 June 2010's night. i was one of the eye-witness when my younger brother said the akad... hurm.. :D

and the poyoest couple on my brother's wedding chairs is Jojo and her hubby, happily married started on 10th June 2010.. both couples shared the gap of 3 days of the days they were married. i was one of the important figure on their days...huhu

and i kept asking.. when will i had the day too? i had nobody in my life. i had never in love. it saddened me some more when i heard a famous English saying said, "It is better to love and separated than not to love at all"...
ohh.. how i hope that saying is incorrect for me!.. please help me. help my confirmation bias! i mean, psychologically speaking, i'm asking people out there to disagree with the saying. it soothes me and do me good, for sure.

haha, seems to be out of control. sorry bro, for this time around, your sister's sanity to write is at the edge of being rocked. anyhow, you married one of my best friends. now i know, you made a right choice. she loves you dearly.. and i am proud of you too.

and for Mrs. Jojo who is now turning to be addressed as Mrs.King, i love you dearly. dont sweet escape me.. i'm afraid of drowning alone.. hopefully, be not drown but floated in love, trios of us. ehehe.. stu_comot, me and Mrs.King..

insyaAllah..

p/s: i will post a decent entry next time. now i'm having a numb nose due to thousands of bersin and i have a really sore-throat which makes me unable to even smile.. nor speak with joy!

running away ..

i was hard for me to put details into words. it really was.
my life was rather complicated. my dreams could not yet be achieved; taking up master course, get married and be happy!

working life is so much different when i was studying. it turn me around like cream in food processor. and being 25 and single doesnt do me good. i dont have that enough strength to face and even avoid all my friends' sort of happiness. i am happy for them but when i reflected on me, i was afraid of dying alone. i dont want to be someone who stay alone for the rest of my life. believe me, turning 25 struck me hard in the face.

with all the questions and assumptions of me having nobody yet bothered me so much. the black thing grew inside of me, making me so damn sensitive to even a little remark about my crediblity would break me hard. my heart collapse, splashing into tiny drops of black glass. i was easily moved and tears would stream down like waterfall on my cheeks.

my self worth and self-esteem were like cracked eggs. it bleed not blood and it stink! in my heart.

i am always thinking of being envy for someelse's good being. ahh.. it would be so good to be able to go overseas, to UK, and all sorts of places with beautiful pictures, travel around, go to Mekah, with their family and love ones.

i'm jealous indeed, ... am i not thankful? i have great life, great family and friends, great job, and i'm still not happy..

i'm searching for the he who would bring my eternal love from God. where is he?

please, where are you?

thinking of these.. all these.. makes me feel like running away, leaving everything, release my soul and die alone.
Noooooo!! it wont solve the problem, but i want a way out. i'm stuck in me, i hate when i felt the jealousy.. i want to be happy.. and accept that everybody has their own lifepath and fortune..

heart... heart... hurt.. a lot..
cure me, save me.. love me.. dearly..

wow! 101 already?

it has been months since i last updated my blog. and i just realised that i've reached 100 posts the previous one. and as for the 101, i want to share some stories of Ahmad and some snippets.

Ahmad

my youngest brother

his story should be written in Malay, so allow me.

"Akak, cuba teka, apakah contoh haiwan nocturnal?"..

" wor, advanced budak-budak sekarang punya vocabulary. aku tahu perkataan tu pun dalam 4 tahun lepas".. kata aku dalam hati.

"hurm, apa ek? Ahmad tahu?" ujar aku.

" kelawar"

"in english we called...bat. B.A.T, bat!." sambung aku

"oowhh.."

"amad, nocturnal tu gapo?" tanya ili (kakak ahmad darjah 5)

"nocturnal ni haiwan yang hidup pada malam hari dan tidur pada siang hari"..jawab ahmad dengan naive-nya

"haaa.. sama la ngan ramai budak-budak muda sekarang, nocturnal. hidup malam, tidur siang" tambah aku. "mu'allimah ajar ke ahmad? (Ahmad bersekolah SRI - SEK.REN.ISLAM)

"tak lah. amad tengok dalam 'My Friends, Tigger and Pooh'."

terkejut aku yang tengah drive tu. adoyaii.. tengok tv daaa..
haa, tengok, tv pun bagus sbenarnya, bukan saja improve children ability to use language properly, but also gain some input. and this is awesome!
memang la Amad jarang sangat tengok in English, but the Bahasa Melayu is okay too. somehow, it gives Ahmad the desire to write, and he has his own book of simple essay in Malay language.

owh. it's time now for my class. i'll update later.

batik

JOM! jom singgah ke blog saya satu lagi..

valsaboutique

di sini saya akan menjual batik hasil tangan dari kelantan, gred A dan terbukti sangat berkualiti.. anda pasti teruja.. ianya mempesonakan..

hari sukaneka SK Laloh..

iye. Sports Day at SK Laloh, Kuala Krai, Kelantan was held on 3rd March 2010. there are 4 Rumah Sukan competed. Miss Niya and I were assigned to represent the Blue Team called Laksamana... some of the people called our team as Laksa mana? (where is the Laksa?).. whatever they called us, we, the blue team won the Rumah Terbaik (The Best House Awards)..

it was a great experience, building the House with the pupils and also the other House Teachers especially Cikgu Azman Syah and also Ustaz Raimi. Miss Niya was so creative in designing the House and me, contributed to executed the plan we discussed and brainstormed earlier that week.

on the evening a day before the event's day, I went to the site where we should actually build our Blue House. for the disgrace of a Blue teammate, i could see nothing, even the pupils keep asking me where is the Blue house. empty. the assigned carpark was empty.

answering to the pupils questions, after surveying other team's Houses, I confidently said, " I'm going to do some magic, tomorrow, you will see our House."
the pupil replied, " You dont do magic", "You cant do it"... and I said, " You just dont know what I'm capable of".. hahaha.. so much of magic.

after that I went home and on the way back, I saw the pupil keep telling others that I am going to do magic. hahaha..

and the magic works. I used my car to brighten the night, we were up until near midnight. Some marching team pupils come and lend a hand. it was a night to remember. all the noise and also the merry pupils playing while working, it was so much fun and memorable experience.

these are some of the pictures taken on the day. I'll write the second part later. :D