facade

I thought I was happy
I thought being in love is everything

I thought I was loved
but never thought I would be betrayed

I couldn't be such innocent
life isn't always as predicted

I need to have my guard up
once broken, it'll never be the same

I have the heart for others
hence, my life was taken from the one

I chose the wrongful decision
it's me who should be punished

I thought I can accept the heartbreaks
I realised I am more fragile that the glass

I'm done.
I really hope so.

heart,
xoxo

coret coret kaki ayam

It's been a quite some time since my last post.

sekarang, di sekolah aku, fenomena bercakap guna pantun.
walau aku tidak tahu pantun,
namun aku cuba sedaya upaya,
menyedapkan pantun aku.

rakan secikgu aku jual :

Guru besar makan kari,
Gano Sa hari ni?

aku balas:

Bagi peha nak betis,
aduhlah hari ni, letih!

ok tak?

ada rakan secikgu aku yang pakar dalam pantun ni luahkan rasa:

Dalam guni, ada sabut,
Lagu ni la, kijo serabut!

dan ada hari tu, ustaz ni berpantun tak ingat bini,
ada rakan secikgu aku yang lain paku dia :

Bawa guni pergi berkhemah,
hai ingatlah bini, yang kat umah!


kali ini, tiada penutup. tutup saja :D

life is like a dream...

gorgeous Merahjamboo with son, wafiy and me :D

I often heard people said "Life is like a roller coaster" and I only believed it when I saw my friends' lives developed and maturing, since mine is still monotonous and revolved within me only.

some of my friends are having their first child, some are still expecting, some are hoping and some are getting married. some are still new in courtship with some had already engaged. and some, a minority group just like me, are engaging ourselves with work and other stuff, depicting a healthy (sometimes very down under) single life ones could have. haha

yep. being single is hard, but being married and hoping for a child from that marriage is harder. my innocent and out of sensibility advice is, enjoy your coupling time and lets just ignore about others who does not give a damn about our hardship of life. the most important thing is, we double our efforts and pray to Allah, pray hard..

hurm... and the hardest one is of course, having to cope with a divorce. i cant say much about this, but from some of my friends who had been through this, they said nothing is easy and simple, and to let go is the hardest one, be it from hatred or just cant stand living together. yes, i know i have never been through these expecting child and divorce, but i can tell that it was not anyone wishes to be so.

i have to keep telling my stupid and forgetful side that i have to be thankful that i dont need to experience these cruelty of lives, when my heart is full with green envy when i see others' affectionate relationship. life and people always have ups and downs. some will experience ups first, then downs and vice verse. some even shared love-hate relationship which has ups and downs at a time in every moments of their lives. ughhh.. tough life!

and by being monotonous in upgrading relationship status, life would seems rather dull, as if my roller coaster ride has not started yet and i am afraid that i might fall due to the rust of the old equipments with perhaps, very little maintenance .. (oh now, i remembered the book written by Mitch Albom; the five people you met in heaven)..

or may be, may be, I am riding each of my friends' roller coasters without realising that I had lost mine.. is it possible?

ahh.. enough with the metaphor and symbolism.

the key point is, i have to decide what to do with my life and keep this as organised as possible since i had nothing to do now. hahaha.. no no no.. life is short. make it beautiful and learn the wonderful lessons from it by living it for the right purpose :D

i pray for Your Blessings. InsyaAllah ^__^

p/s : I like my own comment in Facebook, when my friend was pretty sad about people gossiping around questioning about her not having a baby yet. &^$26%%&*^^&%$@#%$0p!!!! here it goes ;" kalo di ikutkan org mmg xpernah sudah. kalo aku ni, blom kawen, pot pet pot pet. bla da kawen, nak anak pulak.. bila sorg, xcukup pulak.. org hye akan berhenti berckp bila diorg da mati.. takde pekdah nye kte nk amik port sgt.. hehehe... senang cite. mcm la kite hidup ni menumpang rezeki dia.. semua ni sementara... sementara saja.."

I'am afraid of my dreams

dreams..

2011 brings a kind of maturity to my perspectives. seems like turning 26 will bring so much of life-changing feelings, hopefully for the better. my dreams circle around worldly affairs, these actually making me sad and nervous for I believed I was a kind of religious, and I still am, I hope!

okay, lets get to business.

1. I want to design my own home

this dream is rather impossible, for now, since i am nowhere near to design any home, what more my own. although i am not good at designing, but i know i like bali style with modern touch and a little garden around the house especially at the front yard and the side yard of the kitchen... :D anyway, if i get this opportunity, i would be elated to share it with my family and friends.. insyaAllah

2. I want to have a child?

OMG. the feeling of having my own child arose just after i met Iqbal a.k.a Busu during the CNY holidays for 4 days. in fact, i had my sweetest picture carrying sleeping him while i'm asleep. cute!! ^__^. i dont know how to describe but the craving to have a child somewhat resorted in my very heart. i know i am still single and have not any good chance of meeting mr.right-for-me in the moment yet. i never feel like this and i'm crying over it. i sensed how much i want to climb on the relationship stages, but my destiny was not in the same boat, at least, yet. this makes me scared to death, since i am afraid to get a heartbreak if, ever, i lose hope. and i hope not. insyaAllah..

a baby ... :D

p/s: may be this happens because i am surrounded by pregnant ladies including my sis-in-law, Puan Miez Mimosa, Mrs.King a.k.a JoJo, Puan Merahjamboo and delivered-already-lady, Mrs. Reenem and baby naura!! ehehe

3. i want to meet my mr.right. ready!

honestly, i have never get myself in any serious relationship, personally because i dont want one. i believe there are stages for relationship, starting from acquaintance, friends, special friends, and spouse.. well, i have not find one yet.. i hope i will meet and get close with him this year, insyaAllah.. :D.. (although i am so damn afraid if i .... )

4. i want to further my studies..

really, i really want to do this but time and space did not really allow me to. i hope the Hadiah offered by the Kementerian Pelajaran Malaysia in furthering studies will be available until 2013 because in the mean time, i will be able to complete my 3 years of working and scored at least 85% for Prestasi. So, i will be able to qualify myself to apply and work my self up to get that. insyaAllah... :D

and i hope i can share my dreams with my family especially my beloved parents, siblings, sisters-in-law and future spouse :D oh, i have a question to him; WHERE ARE YOU??

need to move

Something had went wrong with my blog interface. I don't know how to fix it, or may be I might know it if i try to solve it, but I didn't.

so I am creating a new page, I hope you guys will stick to it too :D

www.nisanine.blogspot.com

or

you.make.me.smile

sickness is good though..

Yes, when i was suffering of the some sickness back then, an ustaz told me a story. He said, it is good to have sickness, as a kafarah to the sins we've committed, with or without our knowledge. and also, he said that sickness He gave us, is to test us, to show that we are in the limelight of His Eyes, being watchful over us.. to test our love to Him and so many more. we just need to have some faith in His planning.

in my opinion, however, we need to also pray for being made at ease over things happened in our lives. we shall always habituate reciting 3 ayah at the end of Surah AlBaqarah, which can be summarised as a prayer to ease down the trials given to us as well as asking for forgiveness if we ever forget Him through His trials.


He, the ustaz, said that once, The Beloved Prophet Muhammad wanted to ask a lady for marriage. then, he was told that the lady was a very good lady and never had a sickness in her entire life. hearing that, The Beloved Prophet quits his intention. i want to highlight here, the important of being sick and in trouble. Allah is testing our love and patience, and being under His limelight, we are of good souls. we try to keep on surviving and keep on praying without fail. we increased our loves.

okay now, let's look at ones who doesnt have that sickness thingy. we kind of forget everything. we enjoyed ourselves to death. we eat, drink, sleep, and having fun. it is showed and portrayed in Syurga Cinta, in so many other movies. we can see the sinful acts we could be doing, if we were never tasted by Allah. so, be grateful of your condition of life, we might be from middle-class society, or perhaps, considered-poor community, but believe me, this world is going to end someday. DUNIA FANA. fana means tidak kekal, be grateful and try to increase your love towards Allah by praying at the beginning of time 5 times a day, pray in groups, pray in masjid and preferably, live in religion because Islam is the way of life. Do not separate what is should not.

as for month Ramadhan is coming, celebrate it and use it wisely. the world is dying and so do us. we may not see the next Ramadhan. so, fully utilise it.


hope this served as reminder for you and me. Allah Hafiz. remember; ALLAH always remembers you. He always loves you. so love him back. =)

I miss Mr.Em..

when i reflect and re-read my previous entries, i felt a crazy feeling of living in Malacca.. the memories and everything about it was a total crave for me right now. As much as i hate to say this, after all the hardships i encountered and endured in Malacca, I MISS MALACCA. It makes me a woman. From a teenage girl who knew absolute nothing about life to a very justified and cool (perasaan je lebih) matured young lady.. :P

and there comes in Mr.Em - a friend indeed! he's there for my ups and downs. although sometimes he disappeared under the radar, he is still there for me. when my girl friends ditched me nowhere, he's there to back me up. when i was all alone, he's there to entertain me. when i needed some help, he's there to lend me his hand.

but now, after he broke ups with his girlfriend, he kind of deserted our friendship. he seems tired of me and my problems. (hey, I did share with him lots and lots of happy moments alright). I even went to his girlfriend's house and have dinner and what's not there. she is so carefree and flexible. It's just sad and pretty much hurting that their 3 or 4 or may be 5 years old relationship ended before any tie.

hurm, talking about my best guy friend, Mr. Em never exhausted of willingness to help. He now seems to change his course. He did not seem to even care about me no more. for years, we've been out and about every so often. Last year, my girls and I went for a movie. so i invited him to join us. he came and it was so cool of him since we're all 10 girls. haha. IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY. that's how I celebrated it. hehe

and when I was ill, he came to the MALACCA Hospital. and also I went to MITC and I had a gastric attack. He came out of nowhere when i called him, like a superman did, and send me to a clinic. and also when we, MRs.King and I needed a ride to and from KB-MLK, he's ready to lend a seat in his yellow car. huuu.. it's a long ride and usually we stop by at his gf's house in Cheras. and there's one time when only me asked for his ride, i slept all the way from KB to MLK. i still remembered when we reached Kuala Krai at 5pm and he had to stop there to repair his car's alignments. and about 8pm, we ate Laksam i brought from home en route to Gua Musang. i still remember, at 10 i started to sleep and arrived Putrajaya at 12 midnight. i still asleep when he stopped by at his sister's. He knocked on the mirror, i opened the door, and continued to sleep until we reached Malacca (Jasin to be specific), at about 2am. He sent me to Aireen's, where Aireen and Alyaa were there waiting for me. owhh... i miss them sooo much!!

and also my birthday last year, after Alyaa and hubby brought me tour around Malacca Night Town (Bandar Hilir including a Taming Sari ride and Boat Tour), Mr. Em came to my Jasin's house to bring Alyaa and me to eat Asam Pedas near Hang Li Po Well at Bukit China.

and the memories went on and on..

huuu... our friendship will not shatter. although it would be tough, i will hold on tight. thanks for the memories. Hope we all will be under His Barakah and Guidance..